Getting In Your Own Way

Getting In Your Own Way?

(adapted from The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns, M.D.)

I’ve heard it said that human beings have billions of thoughts each and every day…and 99% of those thoughts are the same ones they had yesterday!!

If those thoughts are not supporting you, you will no doubt have trouble getting the results you want and overcoming the challenges along the way. The following is a list of Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking that many of us live with day-in and day-out. Discover which one permeates your mind and steals your motivation! Just by being aware of it, will weaken it’s hold over you and you can begin to "untwist" your thinking!

All-Or-Nothing Thinking

You see things in black-or-white categories. Anything short of perfection is seen as a total failure. You make one mistake and the whole deal is blown! You have a spoonful of ice cream, and think “I’ve blown my whole diet” and gobble down a half-gallon.

Overgeneralization

You know this is happening when you words like “always’ or “never” cross your mind. You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. A salesman hears “no” from a prospect and thinks, “I’ll never get a sale.”

Mental Filter

You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively. As a result, your vision of reality becomes darkened, like putting a drop of ink in a glass of water. For example, you receive many positive comments about a presentation you made, but one person says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback.

Discounting The Positive

You reject positive experiences by saying they “don’t count.” You do a good job and minimize it by thinking you could have done better or that anyone could have done as well. This takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.

Jumping To Conclusions

You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. There are two forms of jumping to conclusions: (A) Mind reading: without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you. (B)Fortune-telling: You predict things will turn out badly. Before a sales presentation, you think “What if I freeze up?”

Magnification

You exaggerate the significance of your problems and shortcomings and you minimize the value of your desirable qualities. The glass isn’t half-full…it’s bone dry!

Emotional Reasoning

You assume your emotions reflect the way things really are. “I feel uncomfortable asking for the sale, so it must be an inappropriate thing to do.” Or “I feel inadequate so I must really be inferior.”

“Should” Statements

You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped for or expected them to be. “Musts”, “oughts” and “have tos” are similar offenders. These statements reflect rules that we have adopted either explicitly or implicitly. When these statements are directed against yourself, they lead to guilt and frustration. When directed toward others, they often lead to anger and frustration. They rarely put you in a resource state to change behavior. Instead it will often make you feel either rebellious (and give you the urge to do the opposite) or hopeless (and make you want to do nothing).

Labeling

This is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” You might also label yourself “a fool” or “a jerk.” This is irrational because you are not the same as what you do. These labels are useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration and low self-esteem.

Personalization and Blame

Personalization occurs when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that is not entirely under your control. A classic example is the person who regularly takes the blame for other’s unhappiness. Although we may be able to influence other people’s feelings, we certainly are not responsible for them. Another example is when a mother finds out her child is having difficulties in school and thinks, “This shows what kind of mother I am.” Personalization leads to guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy.

Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways that they may be contributing to the problem. “The reason my job does not work is because I have an unreasonable boss.” Blame usually doesn’t work very well because other people will resent being scapegoated and they will toss the blame right back in your lap. It’s like a game of hot potato – no one wants to get stuck with it.

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