Part 2: The First Two Rules of Mastering Conflict
Last issue I began a series on conflict prevention and resolution (see Part 1). In this issue we'll be exploring the first two rules of mastering conflict, created by my partner, Brian Middleton. These principles apply to leaders whether
you own your own business or work for an organization as an employee.
If you deal with other human beings, you need to know how to handle
conflict.
Leaders that effectively resolve
conflict follow "The Four Rules of Communication." In this issue we'll discuss the first two.
Rule
#1
- BE
HONEST
Guiding
principle-
"We are to speak
the truth to
one another in a spirit of love and respect."
To practice this principle effectively, we first need "to speak". No one can read our minds, nor can we read the thoughts of others. Yet how often do we assume that others know what we're thinking and that we understand where they're coming from? The answer is most likely, "all the time".
Since resolving conflict us actually communicating (not assuming) with each other, we must resist the temptation to be silent. Refusing to speak and address the issue can be as equally destructive as exploding in anger.
Secondly, we need "speak the truth". What does this mean? Several things are involved here:
- we refuse to lie, deceive or distort reality in our interaction with others,
- we express our feelings as well as our thoughts,
- we speak with congruency (how we communicate is congruent with what we communicate),
- we refuse to sugarcoat or speak in innuendos that mask the real message or intensity we want to send to others
Thirdly, to be effective we want to communicate in a "spirit of love and respect." This means that when we speak, we place the needs, concerns and well-being of others in high regard. To do this we must pay attention both to our words and how we express those words (e.g., volume, tone, facial expressions, body language, etc.).
Rule
#2
- KEEP
CURRENT
Guiding
principle
- "We must refuse to allow the sun to go down upon our anger or any form of
unresolved conflict in our lives."
"Keeping current" with one another means that when a problem or conflict enters the relationship, we immediately address it without hesitation or delay.
The longer we fail to address a relational problem, the more difficult it becomes to resolve. This is because unresolved conflict:
- Opens the way to bitterness and resentment, which in turn limit our ability to listen. Relational walls result.
- Causes us to lose objectivity with one another, fostering distrust and eroding credibility.
- Causes us to "push problems under the rug" which creates emotional baggage. This baggage accumulates and clutters up relationships.
Take the next two weeks and focus on practicing Rules 1 and 2. You will notice a difference in your business relationships!Check back for Rules 3 and 4 in the next issue.
