Because I believe that relationships
are everything in business, I wanted to write a series on
conflict prevention and resolution. Much of this material comes
from my partner, Brian Middleton and was developed in the work we do with
family-owned businesses. These principles apply to leaders whether
you own your own business or work for an organization as an employee.
If you deal with other human beings, you need to know how to handle
conflict.
Introduction
Conflicts in business are
inevitable. To
succeed in business and in life we need to develop the skills that lead to
effective conflict resolution. This includes conflict with
clients, colleagues, superiors and direct reports. Many businesses and careers
have failed because they have lacked a clearly defined and agreed upon process
to resolve conflict.
We must also overcome the false
notion that conflicts are inherently bad. On the contrary, our conflicts when
properly managed strengthen and improve the quality of our relationships.
As leaders, the
best approach to creating a business culture where those around us effectively
resolve their conflicts is to personally model conflict resolution skills. This
session will provide you with time tested and proven tools that will lead you to
effective conflict management and resolution.
Principle #1: Leaders that effectively resolve
conflict respect the unlimited power of their words.
The guiding
principle from an ancient proverb is "Death and life are in the power of the
tongue."
Do
our tongues really have the power to administer "death" in others?
Well, yes, in the sense that our words can destroy thereputation
of another, divide the unity of a group, poison the attitudes of others and
wound the spirit of another for a lifetime.
However,
our words can also bring encouragement, affirmation, approval, appreciation,
hope, healing and restoration to others. So recognize that your
choice of words, when in conflict with others, will lead to life or
death.
Principle #2: Leaders that effectively resolve
conflict practice preventative maintenance in their
relationships.
The
most effective means of conflict resolution is the practice of "conflict
prevention." In
other words, the best way to resolve a conflict is to prevent it from occurring
in the first place.
Defining
roles, responsibilities and expectations of one another is the critical "first
step" in relational preventive maintenance.
The
essential "second step" is consistently
reviewing our
behaviors with one another in mutual accountability.
The
same principle of "preventive maintenance" that we apply to our physical health,
automobiles and equipment must also be applied to our relationships.
Principle #3:Leaders that effectively resolve
conflict follow "The Four Rules of Communication."
Here are the
four rules you want to memorize and practice. We'll go in depth
with these rules in Parts 2 and 3 of this series. Be on the
lookout for the next issue:
Rule
#1
- BE
HONEST
Guiding
principle-
"We are to speak
the truthto
one another in a spirit of love and respect."
Rule
#2
- KEEP
CURRENT
Guiding
principle
- "We must refuse to allow the sun to go down upon our anger or any form of
unresolved conflict in our lives."
RULE
#3
- ATTACK
PROBLEMS NOT PEOPLE
Guiding
principle
- "When we find ourselves in conflict, we must attack the problem not the
person."
RULE
#4
- ACT!
DON'T REACT
Guiding
principle - "We
must assume personal responsibility for our attitudes, words and responses in
any conflict."
